"...should all these rational avenues be exhausted, the author advises fascinating the Sharteshanian with the blood of the public house. Being a heartless and joyless race, the Sharteshanian knows little familial or romantic love, and must in life instead seek the comfort of the bottle. Ply him with this and once he is soppy and muzzy with drink, make your hasty escape."

_{The Sharteshanian; An Exhaustive Guide}